I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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