what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
