Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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