Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
