she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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