guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
