I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
