Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
