Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
