God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
