I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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