dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
