I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
