we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
