About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
