so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it penis luge time yet?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
