what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
