we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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