You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
