my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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