Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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