It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
