There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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