Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
