the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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