Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
