well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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