I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
