It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
