You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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