There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
