would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
