dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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