dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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