we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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