From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
