Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
