Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
