I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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