he wants to bone in the snuggie
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
