she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
