she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
