i just made my gag reflex go away.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
