the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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