it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
