just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
