Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
