Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
