Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
