he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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