im drinking this country out of the recession.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
