I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
love makes seman taste better
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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