her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
