im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
