I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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