its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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