He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
