Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
